This blog is written for all those people who have a fear of change ( probably all of us to some degree).

In my last blog, I asked how many of us put off doing things that we do really want because of a fear of change?  I asked how many of us choose to remain in our comfortable – or uncomfortable – ruts, because they are familiar to us?

I said that in my next blog I would share one way to identify what the fear is that is holding us back from getting what we want out of life.

The best way that I have found is to sit quietly and use the following form to identify the cause of my fears.  Basically, I just fill in the blanks.  I hope that you find it as useful.

I AM FEELING _____(write in the emotion you are feeling: fearful, anxious, uncertain, reluctant, etc) _____

AT (OR ABOUT) ______(write in, in detail, exactly what you are having these fearful feelings about) ______

BECAUSE ____ (Write down all the reasons you can think of for why you are feeling this fear) ______

AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL _____(There are always secondary or deeper reasons for the fears that we have.  By thinking about and answering this question, we are trying to get to the deeper reason – the real cause of the fear) _____

BECAUSE (OR THAT REMINDS ME OF)______(This is another version of the above question – trying to get to the core issue or core fear)_______

Now, I want to use the above format to show how helpful it can be, using my unexpected reluctance to start the kitchen rennovations we desperately needed and had dreamed about and planned for months, as an example:

I am feeling: reluctant and suddenly anxious

At (or about): starting the kitchen rennovations

Because:  I hadn’t thought of all the negatives of rennovating: the mess, not having a kitchen, the inconvenience, the confusion.  Did I already mention the terrible mess?

And that makes me feel: Vulnerable!  That word just jumped out at me as I wrote this.  And it really surprised me.

Because (or that reminds me of):  I have so little control over these rennovations.  I am at the mercy of others doing the work.  Because it is being done by family members on their days off, I have no control over when or even how it is going to be done.  I will be living out of boxes, surrounded by clutter and mess for who knows how long.

Because I had no control at all in my childhood, being able to be in control as an adult is very important to me.  So, my reluctance to start the rennovations in the kitchen is really a reflection of my fear of loss of control or the powerlessness I experienced as a child.

Just going through this simple exercise was enough for me to put things back into perspective.  But I need to do more.  Because I now have a negative feeling.   There is a tightness in my chest and I am a little breathless, a little anxious. 

I can easily use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) on this to eliminate this physical sensation brought on by my fear of losing control.

Can you see how powerful a tool this is?  Please try it and let me know if you find it helpful.  I would love to hear from you!