It is the time of year when many people make New Year’s Resolutions.  “This is the year”, they say, “when I am finally going to …. “  You fill in the blank: quit smoking, stop drinking, lose weight, get fit, work less, spend more time with my family, etc.

Unfortunately, on average, about 80% of those same people will have quit making the effort and gone back to the same old, same old, before January 20th.  Why do you suppose that is? 

There are lots of articles on how to keep your New Year’s Resolutions and just as many articles written about why most people fail to keep them.  But I’ve never read an article that gives what I think is the main reason for the failures.

I believe the real reason we go back to what we were doing before is because there is an emotional payoff for doing it.  We get something from it; otherwise we wouldn’t be doing it.

I don’t drink or smoke, so I can’t identify with that but I do know about my New Year’s Resolutions to lose weight.  So I will use that as an example.

I was an emotional eater.  Whenever I got stressed or upset, I would go to the fridge or the store.  And it was never celery or carrot sticks that I wanted.  It was rich, creamy carbs that I craved; especially chocolate.

When I would eat chocolate, I would calm down and feel better.  Chocolate was rich and delicious and comforted me.  I didn’t eat it all the time but when I got stressed, I would binge. I would eat three of the large chocolate bars at one time, or a whole bag of chocolate chips.  One time I ate a one pound solid chocolate bunny – and had the world’s worst migraine headache!

So, even though I was packing on the pounds and hating how I looked, I still continued to eat.  Why?  Because it made me feel better!  There was an emotional payoff that I was getting.

I was in my 50′s before I learned about the negative belief systems I’d had all of my life.  I learned that they were what caused me to feel unhappy, unsatisfied and unfulfilled. 

As I was able to eliminate these destructive belief systems, I noticed an interesting side effect. I lost almost 50 pounds within 7 months!   And it was easy!  Because I felt good about myself, I no longer needed the emotional comfort that I got from eating chocolate.

I believe this emotional payoff is why so many diets fail.  A person may have the willpower and discipline to get the weight off.  But unless they have eliminated the underlying reason that caused them to put the weight on in the first place, they will just gain it back again.  That is why we see so many yo-yo dieters.  They lose the weight and then gain it back again, multiple times. 

Let’s transfer now to smoking.  What usually happens when people stop smoking?  They gain weight!  Why?  Because they still have the underlying emotional problem they were using cigarettes to pacify. Only now they are using a different pacifier: food.

I think people are  failing to solve their problems because they are starting at the wrong end.  Instead of trying to eliminate the comfort “whatever it is”, they should work on eliminating the emotional problem that is causing them to comfort themselves.

The tool that first opened my eyes to the negative belief systems I had was Emotional Freedom Technique (also called EFT or Tapping). It was also EFT that  helped me to eliminate the emotional problems I had because of them.  

 EFT made a world of difference in my own life.  For the five years that I have been working as a stress relief specialist, I have seen it create miracles in the lives of my clients.

If you are really serious about keeping your New Year’s Resolution this year, you might want to consider eliminating the cause first.  When the cause is gone, the symptom (smoking, drinking, overeating, workaholism, whatever) will also disappear.

What have you got to lose?  What do you want to gain?  What you want is possible, if you start at the beginning, instead of the end.

 I can help you do that! 

Sheryl Stanton  RN

Stress Relief Specialist

Recipient of the “Woman of Worth” Health and Wellness Award for 2010

 www.SherylStanton.com    email:  stressrelief@shaw.ca       phone: (604) 302 6374