In a couple of weeks the Winter Olympics will take place in Vancouver, BC.  Athletes from all over the world have come to compete for the coveted “Gold” medallion; showing that they are the best in the world at their sport. 

Having the Olympics in my own back yard (I live in Mission, just one hour east of Vancouver), started me thinking about the times I’ve gone for my own “Gold” and the number of times that I’ve failed.  I’ve tried a number of different businesses: home party plans; network marketing, commodity trading, various sales jobs, management positions, etc.  Also, I’m a registered nurse by profession and still work part time as a nurse. 

I worked very hard at some of those businesses and spent a lot of money I didn’t have, trying to make them successful.  So why weren’t they?  There are many reasons: some good, some bad.  Read the rest of this entry »

Which is the Greater Miracle: Birth or Growth?

On December 18th, I had the privilege of attending the birth of my sixth grandchild and helping to care for him for the first few days of his life.

 I think there are few things more soul-filling than to have a new baby sleep on your shoulder; to lightly touch his velvety skin with your cheek and smell that fleeting new baby smell.

As I held that beautiful baby in my arms, I thought of the six babies that I had given birth to; three of whom are parents themselves now.  People talk about the miracle of birth and I agree; but to me, growth is just as great a miracle.  To think that a newborn, helpless babe can grow up to one day create a child of their own is truly stunning!

But birth and physical growth is a natural event.  We didn’t have anything to do with our birth and until we’re old enough to start making choices that could interfere with the process, we don’t have much control over our physical growth either.

However, we have 100% total control over our personal growth.  This is the time of year when people make, and usually break, New Year’s Resolutions.  You know the ones I’m talking about.  This is the year that I lose weight, get out of debt, start that business, take that holiday, etc. However, statistics show that 90% of New Year’s Resolutions are broken before February 1st.

Why is that?  There are lots of reasons given but through my own experiences and the many years of research I’ve done on this subject, I think it boils down to one answer.  The goal is outside of the person’s belief system about themselves. 

We each have a belief system about who and what we are, and we have to be true to it – even if it is negative and harmful (which it usually is). Our belief systems were installed, usually by our families, and were well established before we even went to school. 

As a stress relief coach, I’ve found that the majority of negative belief systems involve having no value as yourself – only in what you do, being responsible to meet other people’s needs and being a failure, not deserving of good things.

This conditioning is subconscious (below the conscious mind level), so we are not aware that it’s there.  However, until you change that conditioning and remove these negative emotional blocks, you will never be able to grow.

The exciting news is that you can change your belief systems.  You can break the negative emotional blocks that are keeping you from being, doing or having what you want in your life.  The most powerful tool I’ve found to accomplish this, is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). 

I was a motivational course junkie for over 30 years.  I took dozens of self improvement courses.  I was taught by some of the motivational giants: Bob Proctor, Brian Tracey, Steven Covey.  I did the Firewalk with Tony Robbins!  I had all the knowledge about how to improve my life but nothing changed.  Why?  Because I had negative emotional blocks inside, that I didn’t even know were there, that I had to be true to.  They would not allow me to apply the information so that I could make the desired transformation.

Through EFT, I learned about these limiting belief systems.  More important, I learned how to break them.  Most important of all, I did break them!  I am finally free to be who I was always meant to be!  I can’t begin to tell you what a difference that has made in the way I feel about myself and in my life.

So, if you are sick and tired of the same old, same old, there is a way out.  You can start again.  Not only can you start growing again, you can actually experience a rebirth – only this time, you will control the process.  Are you ready? 

For information on how to break negative emotional conditioning, contact Sheryl Stanton at www.SherylStanton.com, by email: stressrelief@shaw.ca or by phone: (604) 302-6374.

Pregnant woman

My daughter, Shelayne, is expecting her second child and is five days past her due date. 

I understand how frustrating that is.  I was pregnant six times and my first two children were both three weeks overdue.  I thought I would go crazy!  Now, they won’t let you go longer than two weeks before they will induce the baby.

But, in the meantime, you just have to wait. 

I feel guilty even complaining about waiting myself, but my life is also on hold.    I promised that I would come for a week after the baby was born to look after her two year old son and help with the meals and housework so that she could rest.  She has no family or close friends to help her.

Shelayne lives twelve hours away in Fort St. James in northern BC and I live on the Coast, about an hour east of Vancouver.  I have to book a flight to Prince George and then her husband has to drive for two hours to come and get me.  I have no intention of driving in the snow up there. 

I also have to book the time off work, but I can’t do anything until she has the baby.  I am working as a nurse over Christmas too, so I have to be back before Chrismas.

I’d been complaining and fretting about something I couldn’t do anything about – and in the process was not getting done what I needed to do.  I had basically put my life on hold.

On Sunday, I realized what I was doing.  I remembered an old saying: “when the time for action arrives, the time for preparation has past.”  I had lists in my mind of what I needed to do before I went up to my daughter but I had done none of them.

I got busy.  I wrapped all the gifts that had been bought, finished decorating the house, bought the few remaining gifts, worked on the Christmas Eve Party and Christmas dinner menu with my older daughter and brought up the suitcases and started to pack.  Just getting busy, doing what I could, took a lot of the pressure off.

Then I had a good look at the calendar, thought about it and decided to be pro-active.  If I was going to stay for a week and still be back home to work at Christmas, I would have to leave in the next couple of days.  I checked the flights options, chose one and called my daughter to confirm that her husband could pick me up and booked the last flight available.

So, I am leaving early Wednesday morning.  Shelayne will be six days overdue then.  Hopefully she will have her baby in the next couple of days.  Again, I can’t do anything about that, but I have done everything I can do on my side – and now, I will leave it up to God.

There are so many things in life that we have no control over, that we just have to wait for.  But the one thing we do have control over is ourselves and what we do about what is happening – or not happening – in our lives.  We can choose to sit and stress or we can choose to stagnate and do nothing, or we can choose to do everything within our power to improve the situation.

If you are feeling stuck, there is a powerful tool that can make a huge difference in your life.  For more information, go to: Easy Stress Free Me!

If Christmas is Supposed to be the Happiest Time of the Year, Why Am I So Miserable?

Christmas is supposed to be, and can truly be, the most wonderful time of the year.  But, unfortunately, for many people – especially women – it is not.  According to the Life Stress Test, Christmas has a stress level of 15 out of a possible 100.

There are many reasons for this.  If you are already feeling stressed with the daily load of time, energy and money commitments you’re trying to balance, the extra demands of Christmas can truly be overwhelming.

 What are the extra demands of Christmas?

 1.  Money – Money to buy or make the gifts, the cost of the extra party food, payment for the Christmas concerts and programs that you may attend, money to give to Christmas charities, etc.

 2.  Work – Most of the extra work of Christmas falls on the women.  We buy or make the gifts, we wrap them, we decorate, we make the special party foods, we are the ones who get involved in the different school, club and church Christmas concerts, choirs, programs, service projects, etc.

 3.  Time – On top of our already heavy loads, we have to make the time to do all of the extra work.

 4.  Relationships – I know that we all wish we had family relationships that were loving and supportive, but for many of us that just isn’t true.  We might be able to avoid seeing “X” during the year but on special holidays, like Christmas – we can’t.  

This is also when we feel the pain of missing loved ones who have died or who are not physically able to be with us.  Feelings of loneliness are probably the greatest at Christmas time.

 5.  Expectations – The media always presents the ideal Christmas.  However, the reality is that many, if not most of us, do not have “Hallmark” Christmases.  You know what I mean:  the loving, joyful, beautifully dressed family gathers around the dining room table groaning with delicious, artistically prepared food.  Then, after a wonderful meal, the joyful, happy family goes into the beautifully decorated living room to the gorgeous tree where they open and delight in the mountain of perfectly chosen gifts for everyone. 

Who has that?  Almost nobody!  But we make ourselves exhausted, and, often miserable, as we try to live up to and compare our own lives to this fantasy. 

 As the former Queen of Christmas Stress, I have come to believe that all of this busyness and the incredible commercialism of Christmas might actually be part of Satan’s plan.  In all of this busyness, where does Christ fit in? 

The true message of Christmas has nothing to do with presents, food, parties, clothes, decorations, etc. etc. etc.  After all, the first Christmas had none of those things.

It doesn’t matter what your age is, whether you are alone or surrounded by people, whether you are rich or poor.  The true message of Christmas is the unfathomable gift of the Son of God – sent to earth to save us all!

 Maybe the best gift we can give ourselves and others this Christmas is to take a serious look at what we are doing.  What will happen if we drop this tradition?  Do we really need to do this?..or that?  Can we delegate, delete or simplify?

 Let’s make the effort to put a little more Peace and Joy back into OUR Christmas.  My Christmas wish for each of us is that we will truly feel the Christmas Spirit this year. 

 Sheryl Stanton R.N., Stress Relief Coach

div class=mceTempDo you ever feel like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew?  Just like this seagull, where the starfish he is trying to eat is half his size. /div
div class=mceTempI watched that seagull for about half an hour as he picked up the starfish, tried to take a bite and then dropped it on the ground again.  I don’t know if he was ever able to eat it or not./div
div class=mceTempI thought of how that seagull reminded me of my own life.  So many times in the past, I have tried to do too much.  I used to laughingly say that if I didn’t have at least half a dozen projects on the go, that my life was boring and I’d go looking for something else to add./div
div class=mceTempfont style=position: absolute;overflow: hidden;height: 0;width: 0a href=http://www.videnov.com/#1084;#1077;#1073;#1077;#1083;#1080; #1074;#1072;#1088;#1085;#1072;/a/fontThe problem with living your life that way is that you don’t  have time to do a really outstanding job of anything and/or you don’t get to enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done.  I’ve heard it described as taking time to smell the roses./div
div class=mceTempWhy do we do that to ourselves?  Sometimes, circumstances make our lives incredibly busy.  For example, I had five children born within six years; one of whom was seriously handicapped.  That was an incredibly busy and stressful time of my life!/div
div class=mceTempBut I added to the stress by taking on other things:/div
div class=mceTemp1.  I worked part time as a nurse./div
div class=mceTemp2.  I started a home-based business./div
div class=mceTemp3.  I was very active in our church, both in church callings and in the choir./div
div class=mceTemp4.  I kept journals for myself and my five children./div
div class=mceTemp5.  I made quilts for each member of the family, etc. etc. etc./div
div class=mceTempI understand now what was driving me to perform back then.  I had a negative belief system that I had no value as myself, only in what I did.  So, I had to keep producing – just to feel like I was of worth.  Of course, I had absolutely no idea that I had a negative belief system like that.  It was subconscious (below my conscious level of understanding).  But it determined every aspect of my life and eventually wrecked my health./div
div class=mceTempDoes that sound familiar to you?  Are you unhappy, unhealthy, unfulfilled, unproductive, unprofitable?  If you are, I understand because I’ve been there myself.  I learned about the negative belief systems I had and I also learned how to break them.  If you want to know more, visit my website: a title=Sheryl Stanton’s website href=http://www.SherylStanton.comwww.SherylStanton.com/a/div

I have always liked snails.  I love the colors and shapes of their shells.  The other day when I was walking along the dyke by the Fraser River in Mission, BC there were dozens of snails along the path. 

As I looked at them, I realized an interesting thing.  The snails inside their shells probably thought they were  hidden away and safe.  But they were going nowhere and not only that, they were in danger of  being stepped on and killed!  The snails who had the courage to come out of their shells were moving – off the path and towards the grass.  In the grass, they would be safer and they would also have access to food.

I thought of how much we could learn from the snails.  How many of us are stuck in our “safe” routine, doing the same thing we’ve been doing for years?  We may not be happy or fulfilled but we are safe.  But are we really?  Someone once said that if you stay stuck in a rut, it becomes your grave.  We have to have the courage to leave our shell, stick our neck out and move.

I heard a minister say that the saddest thing about a funeral was not the death of the body.  It was the death of all the dreams.  Is there something that you have always wanted to do?  Are you doing anything about it?  You might not be able to do the whole thing, but are you doing anything to fulfill that dream? 

If you’re not, what kind of a snail are you?

I went for a walk along the dyke a few days ago and I saw the plant (pictured above on the left) lying on the ground.  I stopped and picked it up (pictured above on the right). 

But I knew that it would fall down the next time the wind blew.  Why was that?  The plant was too top heavy and the roots were not strong enough or deep enough to keep it up. 

I thought how often that plant represents our own lives.  Too many of us have weak roots.  Our early childhood conditioning and/or negative things that have happened in our past do not give us the strength we need to withstand the problems and challenges that are part of everyday life. 

When the wind blows (problems arise) in our life, we are not strong enough to withstand them and we fall.  This can show up in many ways: any kind of addiction, including overeating (the drug of choice for many people), depression, anxiety, fears and phobias, self-defeating behaviors and attitudes.

Unlike this plant though, there is something we can do to strengthen our roots and rebuild our lives the way we want them to be.  The first thing we have to do is realize that we are responsible for the quality of our lives.  This is incredibly powerful because it means that we have the power to change what we don’t like. 

The most powerful tool I’ve ever found for digging out and eliminating the weak, damaged roots from the past and replacing them with strong, healthy roots that will support and sustain our growth is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). 

Just like I helped that plant to stand again (even if only for a short time), I can help you strengthen your roots and rebuilt your life the way you want it to be.  There is always hope!

What would you do if you woke up to find yourself being thrown out of an upstairs bedroom window?

We had the good (or bad) fortune to stay for four days at a beautiful condo right on Okanagan Lake at West Kelowna last week.  Unfortunately, there were three forest fires burning in the area at the time and many people around us were being evacuated.  We were not in any immediate danger but as we drove by one of the fires in the hills behind us, I looked up at the billowing mountain of smoke and had a memory flashback to an incident that had happened fifty-two years ago.

At the age of seven, I lived with my parents and five year old brother in an older two-story house in the small town of Kindersley, Saskatchewan.  My father was a train engineer and was away doing an overnight run one summer night.  I woke up to find  my mother had picked me up in her arms and was carrying me to the open bedroom window, where she tried to throw me out.  I kicked and screamed and held on for dear life, refusing to let go, even though she kept telling me too.  As a result of my frantic kicking, my bare feet hit the red-hot livingroom window and the sudden shock of the pain caused me to let go and I fell to the ground below.

Crying and standing there in my underwear, I walked from the front door to the back, expecting my mother and brother to come out the door.  Hearing a noise, I looked up and saw my brother falling to the ground.  Only he didn’t land on his feet.  He fell on his face, hitting a pipe with his nose and upper lip.  Then my mother, wearing only a slip, climbed out, holding onto the small box that held the electrical wires.  The box broke and she slid down the side of our stucco house.

By this time, I’d realized our house was on fire.  I could see the flickering red flames in the living room window and the smoke billowing out of both doors.

The neighbors quickly arrived with blankets.  While the firefighters chopped holes in the roof of our house, we were led away to have our wounds cared for.  Both of my feet were badly blistered, my brother’s face was so swollen he looked like a little boy pig and my mother’s side was badly scraped by the glass in the stucco wall.

For years, I used to tell people that it was my fault that my brother was so badly hurt.  I thought because I’d fought so hard to hang on to my mother’s arms, that she had thrown my brother head first so she wouldn’t have the same problem. 

 Many years later, the subject came up and my mother was there when I told my version of the story.  She snorted and asked: “Is that what you remember?”  She said she had done nothing of the kind.  She let my brother out of the window the same way she had me, but when he fell, he landed on the pipe and hurt his face.  I had always thought that I was responsible and felt guilty for the pain my brother experienced.

How many things do you believe that are not true?   How much guilt are you carrying needlessly?    Are there burdens that you are carrying that you don’t need to carry?

We have created an internal map of what we think reality is.  We create this map as we grow up, in such a way that we can feel the greatest amount of safety – usually within our family situation.

According to Bill Harris of the Centerpointe Institute, “In your map you might, for instance, suppress certain feelings or aspects of yourself because it wasn’t safe to express them while you were growing up. As an adult, though, you might find that certain areas of your map don’t work very well – they don’t serve you as well as they did when you were a child, when you were small and powerless and your situation was different.”

Although at the time, it was the right choice because it kept us alive, it may no longer be serving us for our best good.  These suppressed, internalized negative emotions can lead to all kinds of inappropriate coping or stress distraction activities: sex, alcohol, drugs, T.V., music, food, sports, negative attitudes, computers, video games, sleeping, reading, anger, dissasociation, sickness, injury, illness, etc.

Do some of the things on the above list surprise you?  Too much of anything, even good things, can be a bad thing.