So much of the time, our thoughts are on the future; either in fear or anticipation.  Or they are on the past, either remembering the good old days or re-experiencing painful memories.

The problems with this type of thinking are two-fold: 

1.  If we are dwelling on past negative experiences, we are re-introducing that negative energy into our body.  The energy we are in will attract similar energy to us, so we will continue to experience what we don’t want in our lives.  The same is true if we are looking at the future with fear.  We will attract what we don’t want. 

2.   If we are dreaming about how good the future is going to be, we are not living in the present.  I had years of doing that.  I had five children born within six years, one of whom was seriously handicapped.  At the same time, I was married to a student husband, so we were desperately poor.  I spent all my time dreaming of how much better my life was going to be when….  When my children were all in school, when my husband had a full time job, when, when, when. 

What I didn’t realize that I was spending so much time dreaming, that I was not living.  I didn’t see the cute, funny things my children did or said.  I didn’t appreciate what was good in my life right then – in the moment.  I also didn’t realize that my future would depend on how I lived in the moment.

If you spend all your time and energy dreaming about tomorrow, you will never get what you are dreaming about because it is what we do today that determines what our tomorrows are going to be like.

In a couple of weeks the Winter Olympics will take place in Vancouver, BC.  Athletes from all over the world have come to compete for the coveted “Gold” medallion; showing that they are the best in the world at their sport. 

Having the Olympics in my own back yard (I live in Mission, just one hour east of Vancouver), started me thinking about the times I’ve gone for my own “Gold” and the number of times that I’ve failed.  I’ve tried a number of different businesses: home party plans; network marketing, commodity trading, various sales jobs, management positions, etc.  Also, I’m a registered nurse by profession and still work part time as a nurse. 

I worked very hard at some of those businesses and spent a lot of money I didn’t have, trying to make them successful.  So why weren’t they?  There are many reasons: some good, some bad.  Read the rest of this entry »

Which is the Greater Miracle: Birth or Growth?

On December 18th, I had the privilege of attending the birth of my sixth grandchild and helping to care for him for the first few days of his life.

 I think there are few things more soul-filling than to have a new baby sleep on your shoulder; to lightly touch his velvety skin with your cheek and smell that fleeting new baby smell.

As I held that beautiful baby in my arms, I thought of the six babies that I had given birth to; three of whom are parents themselves now.  People talk about the miracle of birth and I agree; but to me, growth is just as great a miracle.  To think that a newborn, helpless babe can grow up to one day create a child of their own is truly stunning!

But birth and physical growth is a natural event.  We didn’t have anything to do with our birth and until we’re old enough to start making choices that could interfere with the process, we don’t have much control over our physical growth either.

However, we have 100% total control over our personal growth.  This is the time of year when people make, and usually break, New Year’s Resolutions.  You know the ones I’m talking about.  This is the year that I lose weight, get out of debt, start that business, take that holiday, etc. However, statistics show that 90% of New Year’s Resolutions are broken before February 1st.

Why is that?  There are lots of reasons given but through my own experiences and the many years of research I’ve done on this subject, I think it boils down to one answer.  The goal is outside of the person’s belief system about themselves. 

We each have a belief system about who and what we are, and we have to be true to it – even if it is negative and harmful (which it usually is). Our belief systems were installed, usually by our families, and were well established before we even went to school. 

As a stress relief coach, I’ve found that the majority of negative belief systems involve having no value as yourself – only in what you do, being responsible to meet other people’s needs and being a failure, not deserving of good things.

This conditioning is subconscious (below the conscious mind level), so we are not aware that it’s there.  However, until you change that conditioning and remove these negative emotional blocks, you will never be able to grow.

The exciting news is that you can change your belief systems.  You can break the negative emotional blocks that are keeping you from being, doing or having what you want in your life.  The most powerful tool I’ve found to accomplish this, is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). 

I was a motivational course junkie for over 30 years.  I took dozens of self improvement courses.  I was taught by some of the motivational giants: Bob Proctor, Brian Tracey, Steven Covey.  I did the Firewalk with Tony Robbins!  I had all the knowledge about how to improve my life but nothing changed.  Why?  Because I had negative emotional blocks inside, that I didn’t even know were there, that I had to be true to.  They would not allow me to apply the information so that I could make the desired transformation.

Through EFT, I learned about these limiting belief systems.  More important, I learned how to break them.  Most important of all, I did break them!  I am finally free to be who I was always meant to be!  I can’t begin to tell you what a difference that has made in the way I feel about myself and in my life.

So, if you are sick and tired of the same old, same old, there is a way out.  You can start again.  Not only can you start growing again, you can actually experience a rebirth – only this time, you will control the process.  Are you ready? 

For information on how to break negative emotional conditioning, contact Sheryl Stanton at www.SherylStanton.com, by email: stressrelief@shaw.ca or by phone: (604) 302-6374.

Pregnant woman

My daughter, Shelayne, is expecting her second child and is five days past her due date. 

I understand how frustrating that is.  I was pregnant six times and my first two children were both three weeks overdue.  I thought I would go crazy!  Now, they won’t let you go longer than two weeks before they will induce the baby.

But, in the meantime, you just have to wait. 

I feel guilty even complaining about waiting myself, but my life is also on hold.    I promised that I would come for a week after the baby was born to look after her two year old son and help with the meals and housework so that she could rest.  She has no family or close friends to help her.

Shelayne lives twelve hours away in Fort St. James in northern BC and I live on the Coast, about an hour east of Vancouver.  I have to book a flight to Prince George and then her husband has to drive for two hours to come and get me.  I have no intention of driving in the snow up there. 

I also have to book the time off work, but I can’t do anything until she has the baby.  I am working as a nurse over Christmas too, so I have to be back before Chrismas.

I’d been complaining and fretting about something I couldn’t do anything about – and in the process was not getting done what I needed to do.  I had basically put my life on hold.

On Sunday, I realized what I was doing.  I remembered an old saying: “when the time for action arrives, the time for preparation has past.”  I had lists in my mind of what I needed to do before I went up to my daughter but I had done none of them.

I got busy.  I wrapped all the gifts that had been bought, finished decorating the house, bought the few remaining gifts, worked on the Christmas Eve Party and Christmas dinner menu with my older daughter and brought up the suitcases and started to pack.  Just getting busy, doing what I could, took a lot of the pressure off.

Then I had a good look at the calendar, thought about it and decided to be pro-active.  If I was going to stay for a week and still be back home to work at Christmas, I would have to leave in the next couple of days.  I checked the flights options, chose one and called my daughter to confirm that her husband could pick me up and booked the last flight available.

So, I am leaving early Wednesday morning.  Shelayne will be six days overdue then.  Hopefully she will have her baby in the next couple of days.  Again, I can’t do anything about that, but I have done everything I can do on my side – and now, I will leave it up to God.

There are so many things in life that we have no control over, that we just have to wait for.  But the one thing we do have control over is ourselves and what we do about what is happening – or not happening – in our lives.  We can choose to sit and stress or we can choose to stagnate and do nothing, or we can choose to do everything within our power to improve the situation.

If you are feeling stuck, there is a powerful tool that can make a huge difference in your life.  For more information, go to: Easy Stress Free Me!

   The other day I saw a man standing in the Fraser River with the cold water up to his groin.  I shuddered just looking at him.  He said that the hip-waders he was      wearing kept out some of the cold and the rest he ignored.  He told me that he loved fishing and would stand there for hours at a time, just casting out the fishing   line and then reeling it in again.

Personally, I can’t imagine anything more boring, but I know that thousands of people love it.  I asked him why he did it.  He replied that he liked to fish where there weren’t a lot of people (I guess that was my hint that he wanted to be left alone).  He said that fishing was very restful and stress-reducing for him.

I thought about what I like to do that was quiet and restful – and stress reducing.  As a Stress Relief Coach, I know lots of tips and techniques to reduce stress, but it was the “quiet” part that I pondered about. 

I love to read and watch movies but even though I may be resting physically, I’m still being stimulated by what I’m reading or watching.  It is not really “quiet” time.

I guess that for me, my ”quiet” time is when I go for walks by myself in nature.  I especially love to walk on the dyke along the Fraser River.  It is so beautiful everywhere I look.  On one side is the river and on the other is the valley, with its farms and fields. All around me are the mountains, lorded over by Mount Baker. 

I used to listen to music or motivational talks when I walked but I don’t any more.  When your mind is being stimulated by music or someone speaking, there is no time to just think and feel. 

This is my quiet time.  When I walk, I look and listen and ponder and pray and just allow myself to be.  I have learned to carry my camera with me because I am always amazed at what I see on my walks and the lessons about life I learn while I am out there.

If you are feeling really stressed, maybe one of the reasons is that you are not giving yourself some “quiet” time.   Try it and let me know how you feel.

I was given a wonderful gift today!  I was invited to attend a a First Nation’s (Indian) Medicine Wheel ceremony.  I had no idea what to expect and was a little unsure of my welcome because I wasn’t native. 

When I arrived, the person who had invited me wasn’t there (she actually didn’t come for another two hours) but I was warmly welcomed and immediately included in the circle of people sitting together under the canopy (it was cloudy, cool and threatening rain).  When I looked around, I relaxed immediately because at least half, if not more of the people were not native.

I learned that a true Medicine Wheel lasts for several days instead of the one day event I was at and the whole theme is tied to nature.  The Wheel itself is divided into four parts: earth, air, fire and water and a great  reverence and gratitude  is shown for the blessings we receive from nature.

I wasn’t able to stay for the whole day and won’t go into all of the details but everybody in the circle spoke at least twice.  There were a couple of quotes made by different people in the group that impressed me. 

1.  Freedom is doing what you want to do but liberty is doing what is right.

2.  The greatest religion is a religion of love and prayer is the language of your heart.

One thing that each person did was bring a stone, which could be used in one of two ways.  It could be used as a prayer stone where you would instill into the stone what your desire was.  The other way is a profoundly useful tool for reducing stress.  You could instill all of your anger or pain from an experience into the stone.  When everyone was  ready, the stones were buried in the ground around the medicine wheel.  This could be symbolic of eliminating the pain from your own body and spirit and burying it forever.

I hope that I have understood and translated what I saw and heard today correctly.  If I haven’t, please reply and correct me.  I only had a taste of what I thought was a very moving, special experience today.  I believe that truth and beauty can be found in all religions and beliefs. 

I also believe in the importance of creating memories and grabbing opportunities when they come.  In the end, that is all we have is the memories of what we’ve experienced in our lives.  I don’t want to get to the end of mine having regrets for lost opportunities to learn, grow, experience and touch other’s lives for good.