It is the time of year when many people make New Year’s Resolutions.  “This is the year”, they say, “when I am finally going to …. “  You fill in the blank: quit smoking, stop drinking, lose weight, get fit, work less, spend more time with my family, etc.

Unfortunately, on average, about 80% of those same people will have quit making the effort and gone back to the same old, same old, before January 20th.  Why do you suppose that is? 

There are lots of articles on how to keep your New Year’s Resolutions and just as many articles written about why most people fail to keep them.  But I’ve never read an article that gives what I think is the main reason for the failures.

I believe the real reason we go back to what we were doing before is because there is an emotional payoff for doing it.  We get something from it; otherwise we wouldn’t be doing it.

I don’t drink or smoke, so I can’t identify with that but I do know about my New Year’s Resolutions to lose weight.  So I will use that as an example.

I was an emotional eater.  Whenever I got stressed or upset, I would go to the fridge or the store.  And it was never celery or carrot sticks that I wanted.  It was rich, creamy carbs that I craved; especially chocolate.

When I would eat chocolate, I would calm down and feel better.  Chocolate was rich and delicious and comforted me.  I didn’t eat it all the time but when I got stressed, I would binge. I would eat three of the large chocolate bars at one time, or a whole bag of chocolate chips.  One time I ate a one pound solid chocolate bunny – and had the world’s worst migraine headache!

So, even though I was packing on the pounds and hating how I looked, I still continued to eat.  Why?  Because it made me feel better!  There was an emotional payoff that I was getting.

I was in my 50′s before I learned about the negative belief systems I’d had all of my life.  I learned that they were what caused me to feel unhappy, unsatisfied and unfulfilled. 

As I was able to eliminate these destructive belief systems, I noticed an interesting side effect. I lost almost 50 pounds within 7 months!   And it was easy!  Because I felt good about myself, I no longer needed the emotional comfort that I got from eating chocolate.

I believe this emotional payoff is why so many diets fail.  A person may have the willpower and discipline to get the weight off.  But unless they have eliminated the underlying reason that caused them to put the weight on in the first place, they will just gain it back again.  That is why we see so many yo-yo dieters.  They lose the weight and then gain it back again, multiple times. 

Let’s transfer now to smoking.  What usually happens when people stop smoking?  They gain weight!  Why?  Because they still have the underlying emotional problem they were using cigarettes to pacify. Only now they are using a different pacifier: food.

I think people are  failing to solve their problems because they are starting at the wrong end.  Instead of trying to eliminate the comfort “whatever it is”, they should work on eliminating the emotional problem that is causing them to comfort themselves.

The tool that first opened my eyes to the negative belief systems I had was Emotional Freedom Technique (also called EFT or Tapping). It was also EFT that  helped me to eliminate the emotional problems I had because of them.  

 EFT made a world of difference in my own life.  For the five years that I have been working as a stress relief specialist, I have seen it create miracles in the lives of my clients.

If you are really serious about keeping your New Year’s Resolution this year, you might want to consider eliminating the cause first.  When the cause is gone, the symptom (smoking, drinking, overeating, workaholism, whatever) will also disappear.

What have you got to lose?  What do you want to gain?  What you want is possible, if you start at the beginning, instead of the end.

 I can help you do that! 

Sheryl Stanton  RN

Stress Relief Specialist

Recipient of the “Woman of Worth” Health and Wellness Award for 2010

 www.SherylStanton.com    email:  stressrelief@shaw.ca       phone: (604) 302 6374

We had a family gathering last week that one of my sons refused to attend.  One of his brothers had said and done something to him a couple of months earlier that was very hurtful and he refused to come to any activity if his brother was going to be there.

What his brother did and said was wrong.  I’m not excusing his actions at all.  But he did apologize twice.  He apologized in his own way, which to many people and certainly to my son, was not an apology at all.  So, the apologies were not accepted and now my two sons are estranged from each other.  How sad!

And yet I wonder, who is suffering the most?   I think it is my son who didn’t accept the apology and continues to brood about the wrong that was done to him.   He thinks about it all the time.  He feels the hurt and pain again and again.

Not only that, he has deprived himself of fun activities by refusing to join us for family gatherings.  He stays home alone in his apartment and broods while we have fun together. 

The biggest problem here, although he would deny it completely,  is that my son has given away his own personal power to his brother.  The brother, who he is so hurt and angry at, is the one who is controlling my hurt son’s emotions – and  actions!

If you let someone else’s words or actions affect how you are going to think or behave, they are in control of your life!  Is this what you want?

I understand how my son feels because I used to do the same thing.  Someone would say or do something that offended me and then I didn’t want anything to do with them any more.  But one time, I cared too much about the relationship to end it in such a negative way, so I screwed up my courage, went to see them and told them how I felt. 

The other person was completely flabbergasted!  They had no idea that they had said or done anything to hurt my feelings.  We were able to resolve the problem immediately and kept our friendship.

I have continued to apply that principle over the years.  In most cases, people do not set out deliberately to hurt or offend us.  Many times they are not even aware that you are upset.  When it is brought to their attention, the problem can be resolved.  If it isn’t, at least you have made the effort and you have kept your power. 

You can recognize that they are having a problem, and it is not your fault.   That allows you to keep your power and your peace.  You are in control of your life and your emotions then – not someone else.

If you have trouble doing this, I can help you. 

Who am I and why would you want to listen to me?

If you are ready to get rid of the unresolved anger in your life, I can help you.  You can reach me through my website: www.SherylStanton.com, by email at stressrelief@shaw.ca or by phone at (604) 302 6374.

If you are ready to wash away the emotional mud in your own life, I can help you.  You can reach me through my website: www.SherylStanton.com, by email at stressrelief@shaw.ca or by phone at (604) 302 6374.

Christmas is supposed to be, and can truly be, the most wonderful time of the year.  But, unfortunately, for many people – especially women – it is not.  According to the Life Stress Test, Christmas has a stress level of 15 out of a possible 100.

There are many reasons for this.  If you are already feeling stressed with the daily load of time, energy and money commitments you’re trying to balance, the extra demands of Christmas can truly be overwhelming.

 What are the extra demands of Christmas?

 1.  Money – Money to buy or make the gifts, the cost of the extra party food, payment for the Christmas concerts and programs that you may attend, money to give to Christmas charities, etc.

 2.  Work – Most of the extra work of Christmas falls on the women.  We buy or make the gifts, we wrap them, we decorate, we make the special party foods, we are the ones who get involved in the different school, club and church Christmas concerts, choirs, programs, service projects, etc.

 3.  Time – On top of our already heavy loads, we have to make the time to do all of the extra work.

 4.  Relationships – I know that we all wish we had family relationships that were loving and supportive, but for many of us that just isn’t true.  We might be able to avoid seeing “X” during the year but on special holidays, like Christmas – we can’t.  

This is also when we feel the pain of missing loved ones who have died or who are not physically able to be with us.  Feelings of loneliness are probably the greatest at Christmas time.

 5.  Expectations – The media always presents the ideal Christmas.  However, the reality is that many, if not most of us, do not have “Hallmark” Christmases.  You know what I mean:  the loving, joyful, beautifully dressed family gathers around the dining room table groaning with delicious, artistically prepared food.  Then, after a wonderful meal, the joyful, happy family goes into the beautifully decorated living room to the gorgeous tree where they open and delight in the mountain of perfectly chosen gifts for everyone. 

Who has that?  Almost nobody!  But we make ourselves exhausted, and, often miserable, as we try to live up to and compare our own lives to this fantasy. 

 As the former Queen of Christmas Stress, I have come to believe that all of this busyness and the incredible commercialism of Christmas might actually be part of Satan’s plan.  In all of this busyness, where does Christ fit in? 

The true message of Christmas has nothing to do with presents, food, parties, clothes, decorations, etc. etc. etc.  After all, the first Christmas had none of those things.

It doesn’t matter what your age is, whether you are alone or surrounded by people, whether you are rich or poor.  The true message of Christmas is the unfathomable gift of the Son of God – sent to earth to save us all!

 Maybe the best gift we can give ourselves and others this Christmas is to take a serious look at what we are doing.  What will happen if we drop this tradition?  Do we really need to do this?..or that?  Can we delegate, delete or simplify?

???????? ???? Have you ever been in a situation you could do Absolutely Nothing about?  I have – multiple times. 

Any one with adult children experiences that total feeling of helplessness and frustration when you see your adult children making harmful choices and there is not a thing you can do about it.

The worst ‘can do nothing about experience’ for me was when I found out my six month old son, David, had a rare but very serious form of Muscular Dystrophy.  We were told that David would never walk, be able to live a normal life and would probably not live very long.  

For three years, I fought accepting the reality that my son would not get better.  I kept asking “Why?”, ” Why my son?”,  “Why me?”  Until one day I realized that there were no answers to “Why” questions.  All they do is spiral you down into despair.  I realized that the “Why” didn’t matter.  The only thing that mattered is what I was going to do about it.

However, that is a whole lot easier to say than do.  I didn’t have the knowledge I have now, to help me accept the things that can’t be changed.  If I had, my life and the lives of my other children would have been so much happier and healthier. 

David died at the age of seven.  I did not handle it well, my other children suffered and I got sick.  I have since learned that 85% of all physical pains, illnesses and injuries are negative emotion based.

Are there things in your past or your present life that you can’t do anything about?  If you are having trouble accepting a situation that you have no control over, I can help.

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

My name is Sheryl Stanton. I’m a registered nurse, stress relief specialist, speaker and trainer.  I’m the author of three stress-relief books and DVD sets.  In May, I was chosen to receive the “Woman of Worth” Health and Wellness Award for 2010.

But more important, I am a Stress Conqueror.  I know what it is like to suffer from unrelieved stress.  I got sick with a stress-related illness that put me in bed for three months.  Western medicine could do nothing to help me and I was told that I would have to accept a limited lifestyle at the age of 45. 

This was not something I was willing to do.  I  studied Complementary Health and Energy Healing for eight years.  I got my health back!  More important, I got my life back!  And I learned what to do to make sure it never happens again.  How, I share that information with others. 

If you are ready to make a change in your life, I can help you.  You can reach me through my website: www.SherylStanton.com, by email at stressrelief@shaw.ca or by phone at (604) 302 6374.

A few years ago, I attended a network marketing event for Neways in Atlanta, Georgia.  It was an international event, with people from all over the world attending.  For the opening night, a special program was planned with entertainment provided by each country.  A few months before the event, all Canadian distributors got an email, asking for ideas for the Canadian portion of the program. 

I remembered a song I’d learned as a Girl Guide in 1967, honoring the Canadian Federation, called “They All Call It Canada but I Call It Home”.  I also remembered another song, called “CANADA – We Love Thee”, which I then changed to fit the message of the network marketing company, Neways. 

It was fun to do and I sent it off to the Canadian headquarters, not expecting to hear anything more.  To my amazement, my suggestions were chosen.  (Of course, it may have been that no-one else submitted anything).

Anyway, I started to practice singing the songs; which my voice could handle until I got nervous and my vocal cords tightened up.  Then I started squeaking.  Just the thought of singing in front of 2000 people was enough to scare me silly, so I asked a couple of friends to help me.

We arrived two days early in Atlanta and I immediately got sick with a serious chest infection.  It was so bad that I spent the first day in the Emergency room of the hospital.  I had a definite crisis on my hands.  I had to go on stage and sing or I would let down my whole country.  But what could I do.  I was so sick, I could hardly speak – let alone sing.  I was definitely in panic mode.

Then I remembered something that John Smart, one of the Neways trainers, had said one time.  He said: “When you find yourself in the midst of a crisis, you are either on the edge of disaster or the verge of a miracle!”  I decided that I would test his statement.  I definitely was in the midst of a crisis and I was really needed and wanted a miracle. 

So, I said a very heart-felt prayer, got out of bed, got dressed and went to the program.  One benefit of being so sick is that I didn’t have enough energy to be scared while I was waiting back stage for our turn to perform.

When I did go on stage, I told everyone how I was feeling and what John had said.  I then asked them to join me in my fervent prayer that I would have the miracle I needed in order to do justice to the great country of Canada, that I called home (which was the title of the first song). 

The music started, I opened my mouth and I sang beautifully – all the way through both songs.  When it was over, so many people came up and said that they had got more from my performance than any of the others in the program.  I was still sick for most of the event but I had been able to do what I needed.

So, the next time you find yourself in the midst of a crisis, realize that you are on the edge of disaster or the verge or a miracle!  The choice is yours.  If you need help, I can help you!

Who Am I and Why Should You Listen to Me?

My name is Sheryl Stanton. I’m a registered nurse, stress relief specialist, speaker and trainer.  I’m the author of three stress-relief books and DVD sets.  In May, I was chosen to receive the “Woman of Worth” Health and Wellness Award for 2010.

But more important, I am a Stress Conqueror.  I know what it is like to suffer from unrelieved stress.  I got sick with a stress-related illness that put me in bed for three months.  Western medicine could do nothing to help me and I was told that I would have to accept a limited lifestyle at the age of 45. 

This was not something I was willing to do.  I  studied Complementary Health and Energy Healing for eight years.  I got my health back!  More important, I got my life back!  And I learned what to do to make sure it never happens again.  How, I share that information with others. 

If you are ready to make a change in your life, I can help you.  You can reach me through my website: www.SherylStanton.com, by email at stressrelief@shaw.ca or by phone at (604) 302 6374.

If you are ready to wash away the emotional mud in your own life, I can help you.  You can reach me through my website: www.SherylStanton.com, by email at stressrelief@shaw.ca or by phone at (604) 302 6374.

A previous post discussed the third biggest mistake that women over 30 were making that was keeping them unhappy, unhealthy and unhappy.

This short video clip identifies the second biggest mistake.  To view the video, click on this link:             2nd biggest mistake.

I would love to hear your comments.

      Sheryl Stanton RN

Cottonwood seed - summer snow

 As I was walking along a forest path a couple of days ago, I saw an amazing thing.  It was snowing – in July!  White puffy flakes were falling from the sky, while the sun was shining! 

 On the ground, was a layer of white.  Of course, it was cottonwood seed time and instead of snow flakes, the sky and the ground was full of cotton wood seeds.

I noticed something interesting about the way the seeds were falling to the earth.  In the sheltered areas, the seeds gently floated to the ground.  But in the open areas, the seeds were blown in every direction by the wind.

I thought of how little control the cottonwood seeds had as to what their final destination was going to be.  I looked at the seeds all around me.  Some landed in the river beside the path and were drowned.  Some landed on the gravel pathway, where they were wasted.  Some landed in the trees.  Some were lucky enough to land on fertile ground, where they could germinate and become what they were meant to be – new cottonwood trees.

The cottonwood tree takes into account that most of its seeds will be wasted and creates millions of seeds.

Then I thought about people and how many of them are just like the cottonwood seeds.  They are being blown about by every wind or influence that comes into their lives.  They have no sense of direction or purpose and seem to fall into their lives by accident.  The big difference between us and the cottonwood tree, is that we only have one life to live.

Look at your own life.  Are you living the life that you thought you would?  Did you purposefully choose to do what you are doing now?

Fortunately for us, unlike the cottonwood seed, if we don’t like where we’ve landed, we can move and change.  We don’t have to stay in stressful situations and suffer problems with our health, relationships and finances.

If you would like help getting stress relief,  out of a bad situation or finding a new direction, I can help you!

Who am I and why would you want to listen to me?

My name is Sheryl Stanton. I’m a registered nurse, stress relief specialist, speaker and trainer.  I’m the author of three stress-relief books and DVD sets.  In May, I was chosen to receive the “Woman of Worth” Health and Wellness Award for 2010.

But more important, I am a Stress Conqueror.  I know what it is like to suffer from unrelieved stress.  I got sick with a stress-related illness that put me in bed for three months.  Western medicine could do nothing to help me and I was told that I would have to accept a limited lifestyle at the age of 45. 

This was not something I was willing to do.  I  studied Complementary Health and Energy Healing for eight years.  I got my health back!  More important, I got my life back!  And I learned what to do to make sure it never happens again.  Now, I share that information with others. 

If you are ready to make a change in your life, I can help you.  You can reach me through my website: www.SherylStanton.com, by email at stressrelief@shaw.ca or by phone at (604) 302 6374.